Contemplations.....

Well, Easter has come and gone and it was good...I guess. It was a little sad as I compared it to Easters past and it just didn't quite measure up. I played a gig on Easter. And spent the weekend thousands of miles away from my husband. That alone was kind of a downer.

I used to love Easter. It was a time I got to see family, catch up with the cousins (on my mom's side of the family), have Easter-egg hunts, find our Easter baskets and pretty much enjoy the holiday. As I've gotten older I realize how little there is of that. This year, the only real highlight was getting an easter box in the mail (a few days late) from my mom...who tried to cleverly say it was the "Easter Bunny" but put her return address on the box. It was definitely a welcome surprise, but it reminded me how far we've come and how life has changed so much. I miss the old times. My resolution is to make the next holidays more important...to keep them sacred. If I don't, if I treat these special days as just another ordinary working day, I've lost something. And I'm not sure I'll ever get it back if I don't consciously make the effort.

I suppose that I've been thinking about these things and family for a little while now. I got a phone call the other night from my cousin in New Jersey, who was the deliverer of some awful news. My cousin, (actually my second cousin--but family nonetheless) was murdered last Wednesday/Thursday night. And he was only 23. His life was snuffed out, taken just like that before he'd really even had a chance to live. And it made me sick inside. It made me look at life a little differently...and realize how much, we, as people take for granted every single day.

When my husband got home on Sunday, I held him for a long time. Just held him...and realized how precious life truly is. I don't want to take him for granted. I want to live in each moment and realize how valuable it is...because for some, you never know when a kiss or a hug could be the last you'll have.

R.I.P Matthew Christian Haller...you'll be greatly missed.

~KMB

Happy Easter!

I'm off to Salt Lake City today...yep you read that right. Salt. Lake. City. in Utah...somehow I think I'm as surprised as everyone...I never expected to go there and celebrate Easter....one of the more important Christian Holidays (like Christmas) out in Mormon country. I know I know, there are lots of other people out there too...but it is kinda different, don't you think?? (Alan has already warned me not to get married again. I told him that I wouldn't...one of him was all I could handle anyways!!!...although now I think on it, the women don't marry more than once anyway--it's the men that take multiple wives..)

I'm kinda excited about this trip and for the first time in years, a little nervous about it. I know it's a regular Blair Band gig, but we're playing in the Salt Lake City Arena and that sounds pretty cool to me! Also, I've never been to Utah.. and I'm going to buy my obligatory shot glass (if you don't know me, I tend to buy shotglasses from airports of places I've never been to before and I have quite the collection!)

I hope that wherever y'all are celebrating Easter, you have a great weekend! Happy Easter!

Gotta run and pack now!

~KMB

My Life of late....

It started out so easy to keep a blog...I'd just write stuff in the evenings about my day, or my week and hope, perhaps even wish that somebody might even be reading this. Well, my busy season (that kicks in early March and goes through Easter) hit and I've just been horrible at updating this blog.

So here are the main basic points of my life thus far...at least what's been going on lately (as if anyone's reading this!):

* I've had a bunch of gigs and barely have enough time to sleep, let alone actually blog.

* I haven't done so well on getting and staying out of my funk...while I've made some great strides in doing the creative things I want to do, a few obstacles have gotten in the way...which leads to....

* I sprained my ankle, so I can't do the Irish step-dancing for awhile...which I guess is good, as I've just been too busy lately anyways, but I'm feeling the weight that I gained over the winter..and well, I just feel all blah and fat. And I'm having trouble exercising because of the ankle thing.

* I need new clothing because my stuff is all at least 2 years old and in some cases, starting to fall apart...oh yeah, and if you didn't catch the 'fat' part from above....well, nevermind.

* I started voice lessons (yay!) although I have to honestly admit I'm not practicing enough....grrr...me.

* The imminent move to Atlanta has me bummed (even though it's a little more than a year away) as I'm not sure what I want to be when I grown up (well...does this mean I have to get a real job that's not in music?) And all those fun types of questions have come up lately....if anyone has any advice, let's hear it...cuz I really don't know what to do. My husband seems to think that I'll have a ton of job offers and I won't be able to take them all...but I'm a little more skeptical and realistic. Which leads to....

* If I don't stay in music...what should I do? I've thought about law school..although I just don't think I'm cut out for that...can't do nursing or med school--can't stand the needles. I feel like if I give up on music though, I will be wasting the two degrees that I worked so hard to get. And I love music..although I will admit, the teaching has been awful lately (at least the private, non-university students.) The more I'm teaching little kids...I'm just not sure I want to do that for the rest of my life. I also feel sometimes as if my career isn't as important in the grand scheme of our family as my husband's is....and that just makes me feel a bit worthless.

* I think that people think I've become anti-social...and it's not that I have..it's just I don't get home until 8 or 9 most nights and I'm absolutely exhausted and all I can think about it getting some sleep...and while I do have some free time...I have no money and can't really afford to go out for drinks and stuff. Though I wish I could.

And it really sucks to have to admit that life just hasn't turned out the way you had envisioned it in your mind when you were younger. I know I'm going through a rough spot..but damn...it feels like it's never going to end. I don't want to move and have to start all over in a year....I did that once when I moved to Nashville and it's taken me at least 5 years, just to really feel like I'm starting to gain some ground.

Ok...methinks I'm done venting. As I'm reading back over this, I sound pathetic ....but that's pretty much how I feel lately. And I'm having trouble snapping out of it. I wish there were easy answers in life...but there aren't. I guess it wouldn't be worth it if there were...but damn, I'd give a lot right now for a nice easy way to be happy and figure all this stuff out.

It's bedtime now methinks...I've had a really bad day and I need to just get some sleep.

~KMB