Anniversaries.....

So I know it's been a long time since I've put anything new up. And I mean to blog, I really do. I just don't always have things to say that are profound, or even relatively interesting.

But today is different and I thought it was noteworthy. We all have anniversaries of sorts, and not just the marriage kind. There's the anniversary of the first date, the first christmas, the first kiss. We celebrate birthdays, and lifetime achievements and milestones. Well, today is a milestone for me. Today was the one year anniversary of my father's death.

It has been a roller-coaster of a day on several different levels. I tried to completely forget that this was coming, and well, it just didn't work. My subconscious wouldn't let me forget and there were times this week I truly became anxious, wondering what today would be like for me.

So what was it like? It was sad. I kept myself very busy today (after all, I still have finals to give at school) and tried not to think of it. But it was in those quiet moments in the morning, and the down-times during class that it would sneak in. I thought about where I was at this time last year, and what I was doing. I thought about the last memories that I have of my dad and re-lived both the good times and the bad.

And while it was sad, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief and accomplishment at the same time. I have survived the first year! There are no more "firsts" without my dad. Everything after today has been done once before and I'm finding comfort in that. It was truly surreal for me to realize that I needed to acknowledge that accomplishment too.

So there it is. And now that the day is almost done, I'm thankful that it happened. It gave me time to reflect and re-live so much. I'm still feeling a bit melancholy and very very tired, but I feel more settled and at peace about things than I have for a long time.....