And so today "It" happened....

I had a tiny nervous breakdown. I suppose it wasn't really a nervous breakdown, but everything sort of built up to a head and I kind of lost it. Not the screaming, lose-your-mind kind of thing, but it was more the overwhelming, straw-that-broke-the -camel's-back, find yourself a huge box of tissues and chocolates kind of thing.

I think it's been the strain of the past four to five months, starting with the time I decided that I should probably go back to school to start my doctorate in February. I applied, and after finding out I had to take the GRE again, bought the books to study and tried to get everything organized and pinned down. And then it just seemed that every time I tried to study or prepare, there was always something else that popped up that was more important. And usually whatever it was, truly DID have to be done sooner. Unfortunately, it didn't leave much time for GRE study. Or ease my fear of the Quantitative (math) sections.

So I hired a tutor. or tried to. It wasn't until the end of May/early June that I was able to find one...moving to a new city and all. And cramming, my friends, really does NOT work. Hence my current situation. I thought all was well and have been studying for the past few weeks, and today I took a full-length practice test, minus the essays. And my mom helped me score it. (Mind you, I was supposed to take the actual GRE this coming Wednesday, while at home in Buffalo). Right after I finished the second section, I got a phone call from the Testing center. Realize that it's probably not good news if they're calling you. And it wasn't. My test was cancelled due to technical difficulties. So I panicked. And then heaved a sigh of relief when they called a few minutes later to reschedule. Until we finished scoring those two sections.

Now, I know I'm not stupid, but after grading the math section I really felt like it. And it took me back to the first time I took one of those awful tests...the dreaded SAT, and getting my scores for the math. I remember the day I got them in the mail and my father's response after I opened them. I got a 520, which isn't great, and he was so kind to point out how poorly he thought I'd done. And then he called me an idiot. So fast forward to today and, after looking at my math score...a 520 seemed like gold...it was like I could hear my dad's voice in my head...and everything just fell apart. I know I shouldn't speak ill of the dead, especially since he was my father, but what kind of person actually calls their child an idiot??? Anyways.....

So after a lot of tears and chocolate and diet coke (I fell off the wagon on that addiction), I decided to defer my grad school application to January. I realized, after finally calming down that it's just not worth it and I'm pushing for no really good reason. Why is it we can't really see clearly until everything seems to fall apart? At any rate, at least I've made a decision and have a new goal to work towards.

More news tomorrow, but this post is already too long...

A New Beginning....

And so the Nashville chapter of my life has ended and I'm starting the next one. Alan and I moved two weeks ago to Atlanta. Permanently. Or at least as permanently as I suppose it can be. I could, given a few years, perhaps talk him into going back to Nashville...but I have this sad, heavy little feeling that it's just not going to happen.

Moving on...I'm still not done unpacking. I have no idea when that will happen, but it probably won't happen within the next week! Most likely because I'm spending time now in Buffalo with my mom. She was supposed to have a lumpectomy this past Thursday, but after yet another test, this time an MRI, they found another couple of spots to biopsy. And so we wait. Hopefully we'll know something by Monday or Tuesday, and they'll be able to then reschedule the surgery. The bad news is that I probably won't be able to be home for that, since I have a few other commitments coming up that I can't get out of.

I like being home and being somewhat pampered though! Mom, in preparation of my visit, went and bought all of my favorite foods. And while I'm grateful..I'm so going to have to get back on the ball with walking and tennis to not gain at least twenty pounds while I'm home!


Speaking of walking....

I'm going to be walking in the 3-day Breast Cancer Walk this October in Atlanta! I'm training with my team, The Headlight Preservation Society, and we'll be walking 60 miles over the course of 3 days!

Please please visit my personal page for the event and consider making a donation to the cause!

Rest In Peace.....

David Carl Haller
March 1, 1938 - December 11, 2007

My dad, David Carl Haller, passed away on Tuesday, December 11th, 2007. I flew home as soon as possible to help my mom take care of all the arrangements and now I'm finally able to settle down and write this.

It's been an draining and truly exhausting week, and I'm so tired that I feel like I could sleep for a week. My husband has truly been a rock for me to lean on and so supportive and helpful....

Now the hard part happens when all the family goes home and it's just me and mom for the Holidays and we have so much work to do!

Anyways, so that's what's going on in my world. And it's really hard to get into the Christmas spirit this year....And the worst part is, this is usually my favorite time of the year.

~KMB

Reality sinks in.....

My dad is in Hospice. I can actually say it now without tearing up, which I suppose is better than the alternative. It's truly sinking in. I don't know how long my dad has left...days...weeks, months perhaps? At least they will help him be pain-free until the end and help him die with dignity. (I hope).

It seems so surreal. I know it's real though. I saw this past weekend how small he's gotten. Odd, my dad never looked small before...he was always so big and confident, and at times, really annoying, but never small. Now he's irritable and small and can't catch his breath most of the time.

All I can say is it's heart-breaking to watch.

I'm such a slacker.....about blogging anyway!

Ok, so I'm truly a slacker when it comes to blogging....Aug. 2nd was my last post...Aug. 2nd???? that was almost 2 months ago!!! What is wrong with me?????

Well...I have a TON of updates!!

First, Vacation with hubby was wonderful!! I got home from Raleigh/Durham, and he surprised me with an iPhone...yes, you read that right, an iPhone! After getting it set up and doing laundry we left for a few days of vacation and it was wonderful!

Since then, I have gotten a job at the Art Institute of Atlanta (the new term starts Monday!), and finished the rest of my gigging commitments with bands. For the next 8 months or so...I'm off the road due to the new job! This is mostly because I'll be travelling between three states EVERY week....i think I'm nuts!
So I now work in Nashville, Bowling Green, KY, and Atlanta, GA. Let's just hope I'm still sane by the middle of June when we're moving permanently to Atlanta!

So currently this is concert week in Bowling Green...we had a concert on tuesday morning (children's concerts), a concert in BG last night, and tonight is in Glasgow, KY (about a half hour from BG). Then it's back to the grind!!

In other news....well, I'm not sure there is other news. I'm going a little crazy trying to keep up and organized with this new schedule and I'm a little worried that I'm going to have a bit of a breakdown. I can't seem to remember somewhat important things sometimes....like on Monday night when I stayed over in BG....I forgot my suitcase! I thought I had loaded it up already...but no!!! Luckily I had some extra time and Target was close...so I had to buy mostly new stuff. It was a costly little mistake. So I guess I'm afraid that those kind of stupid mistakes are going to become the norm.


I feel very random today. I suppose I'm allowed, seeing as it's my blog...but still. I should strive for less randomness. But I continue....I think there's something wrong with my car...and I don't have time to get it fixed before I have to drive to Bowling Green, KY and then onwards to Atlanta. This sucks.

Also, I think I turned/strained my ankle two days ago. I went out walking with the hubby---trying to get back into a normal workout routine and I don't remember it rolling, but I remember going down a hill and my feet were moving in my shoes, so i braced my feet differently. And yesterday woke up with a swollen and aching ankle. Yay, me.

So now everyone is completely up to date on what's going on or wrong or right in my world. I just wish my world would slow down a bit so I could catch my breath!

until next time.....which hopefully will be sooner than two months!

~KMB

I'm leavin' on a Jet Plane.....

Well, I'll only be gone a few days! I'm back from Dayton and catching up with my students and basically trying to get ready for the fall teaching schedule!

I'm off again on Saturday to Raleigh-Durham, NC to play with the Blair Band....I have absolutely no idea where. That's how it works in this band (a lot of the time). He'll ask if we're available, then book the flights, but not tell us pretty much ANYTHING about the gig. Oh well...I don't guess that I know anyone in Raleigh or Durham anyways....

When I get back on the 7th, the hubby and I are going to take off that day (hopefully right after I come home, but I might need some clean laundry!) and head to Chattanooga for a day's vacation!! I'm very excited...although it was supposed to be four days in Chatty, but then the gig came up! Ah well, perhaps next year!...at least we get tuesday night/wednesday...so we'll stay in a fun B&B and then see what we can on Wednesday before heading down to Atlanta. Unfortunately Alan's got to teach on Thursday morning really early...ughh.

And I'm a little sad as my friend Rachel left for Holland yesterday....she's going to be working at the Hague as a legal intern for the yugoslavian war tribunals (or something like that). How cool is that???!!! I know she's going to have a fabulous time while there, but I'm going to miss her :)

Anyways, got to sign off now...have too much to do today!

~KMB

Hello from Dayton!

Just a quick post....as I'm trying to get better at writing more often! I'm in Dayton, OH right now to do some recording for a friend's album thursday and friday and then I'll be playing at the Dayton Celtic Festival on Saturday and Sunday! Whew...it's going to be a long, but really fun rest of the week!

Even better? My friend Sheila just had a daughter, Emma Grace, about two weeks ago and I'll get to see her this weekend! I can't wait to see the little munchkin...but that reminds me...I still need to get a baby gift!

Anyhooo.....I'd best get going...I need to figure out what tunes I'm supposed to play on tomorrow :)

Keep on keepin' on!

~KMB