FOUND: My Optimism!...among other things....

Today was sooooo much better than yesterday!

1) I FOUND MY TRIO BOOKS!!!!!! ok...I know that it's really stupid to be so excited, but I looked for them everywhere...and I do mean everywhere! I was about 5 minutes away from ordering them again...and they were kind of expensive...enough so I maybe would have broken even by playing this wedding on Friday....so Thank God I found them!!

I guess that's really the only great thing that happened....it was still a really long day, but I feel a lot better and more optimistic about everything.

Ok...so onto a new topic...and it's not an easy one, so bear with me. I need to get more involved. With life. I work so much...and most of my time is taken up by either teaching, driving to go teach, or traveling to a gig (on weekends). I've noticed that when I do have a free weekend, which is somewhat rare, I have a tendency to spend Saturdays and Sundays in bed...or still in pajamas. I should mention too, that I usually end up spending these weekends alone as my husband leaves for Atlanta to work every Thursday and I don't see him again until Sunday evening. I sometimes have all these grand plans about things I want to do around the house, but nothing ever seems to get done. At first, I used to brush it off, by just saying "well, it's my day off"...but now I'm not so sure.

I first realized that this has been becoming a problem back in November..when friend of mine had a party on a Saturday night for her birthday. I felt a little down for not having many plans, and I didn't have a lot of money, or the energy to go out and do anything on Friday. Saturday came and I was not quite as excited about this party (even though I had rsvp'd that I'd go). I got feeling really lonely again, and as it got worse, the less I wanted to go out. So I made excuses and didn't end up going as I'd spent a lot of time already in tears...just lying there in bed. I felt pathetic...but I really didn't know how to fix it. So...I don't really want to spend another weekend like that...it was definitely a low point for me.

So I want to change. I think I make excuses because I don't want to bother people...but I really do need to get out more. I have in the past not made any plans on weekends, thinking that friends who have also just gotten married are probably busy with their own lives and already have plans. I let myself get swept up in that and it pulls me under...well NO MORE!!! When Alan is around...I never seem to feel this way...so I know that there's something not quite right. I can't just rely on him for all my company...so I'm not going to!

I'm going to join a book club. I've never been in one, but I hope it's going to be fun! I also want to learn to play tennis. I mean, really learn...as opposed to just remember what they tried to teach me in high school. Plus I figure the regular exercise will be good for me and I'll start feeling a lot better! I think I've got a solid lead on the book club thing, so I'm already starting to implement my plan--and it feels really good :) Now onto the tennis idea.....

I know this is a really long post, but I've been needing to vent this for awhile. I'm hoping that by writing it down and putting it out there I will find that a) I'm really not alone and a lot of people feel like this after they get married and b) it will push me to really get off my butt and DO something to change instead of just talking about it.

So thanks for listening/reading....I'll keep you updated!

~KMB